Day #2

Today was a hard day. I have wanted to be thankful today, but certain revelations made it difficult.

In August we found out I was pregnant again. While technically it was planned, we did not anticipate certain challenges, such as the loss of our only income. Some would say I've been pessimistic about this pregnancy because I refused to discuss whether it was a boy or a girl. I also refused to think of names, or look at baby clothes, or do anything "fun" pertaining to the pregnancy. The reason for all this is because I knew how things were going to turn out. When I was pregnant with Teagan, I had my heart set on having a girl and when I found out he was a boy, although I loved him I was so disappointed. Most of my disappointment came from the fact that I already had three boys and everyone... I mean everyone... friends and family were desperately hoping he would turn out to be a girl and when he wasn't, it seemed as if excitement for my pregnancy faded and it was just another routine pregnancy...nothing special.

While I know this explanation is long, it is exactly what I feared with this pregnancy. In the beginning I was completely set on NOT finding out. I wanted people to be happy for me no matter what spirit came into this world, boy or girl. Having a baby is a precious gift and one that we should all be excited about and be thankful for. About a month ago Skyler and a number of friends convinced me to find out what it is. The common reason was, "If its a girl you need to be prepared." My response was always the same "That would be nice, but its a boy" I'm not meant to have girls. This fact stares me in the face every day. I have four wonderful little boys and when I was watching kids in my home I always ended up with boys. If that's not a sign I don't know what is. Due to this revelation I did have a good cry this afternoon. I think deep down every woman wants a little girl, but for those of us who do not get that, we have the wonderful blessing of looking forward to daughters-in-law and granddaughters. Our wisdom is shared with other girls through church callings and extended family, and our "girls" come from many different places.

So, today I am thankful for little boys. Skyler and I have a grand mission in front of us because added to our four is now a fifth little boy who is growing as he should and is perfectly healthy. He is right on target for his weight and height, but he has big hands a big feet for his size. We are very excited for this new addition and we are patiently awaiting his arrival. Our job at this moment is to come up with another boy name. That is going to be difficult considering I've been through hundreds of boy names and not one has stood out in my mind. A thought that ran through my head this afternoon is about 10 years from now we are going to have 10-12 years of missionaries, provided they all choose the right path to follow. Not to mention the teenage years when they and their friends will be coming over and eating all my food!! Hopefully Skyler's degree choice lands us with a lot of money. LOL